Jungle Drums

last night was David's ROM celebration BBQ.

It was good, save for my stupid self trying too hard to read into things. David seems really happy with his wife. I sure hope he would find true love in his wife Xiao Jie and that they would be really happy with each other.

David and Nicole had wanted to get me and YY to spend some time alone together, getting the stuff for his BBQ.  Out popped C. I vaguely remembered Nicole telling him being too helpful was 'kpo', when she learnt that he was joining us for the shopping. So he was there too, being helpful and all. Since he was there, and he knew I like her, and did not like, try and let me have some time alone with her, I just kept myself away from them. And naturally I kept away from her as well.

He volunteered to cut up the squids. She being helpful she helped him with it. I stayed away. Later on I did the dirty stuff of removing the eyes of the squids. Naturally she did not help coz it was pretty gross. But I was happy that she came over and helped me with the bacon and enoki mushrooms later on. I stole a few glances at her while she was helping me. I love her eyes.

Everyone else came soon after and the cooking started. I wanted to cook some stuff for her, and when the chicken chops were ready, as I was about to go and dish some for her, C took some and offered her. I took a cigarette out and sucked on it, while making small talk with Jason, Diana's husband. An intelligent man, I found him. Needs some warming up, and I guess I click more with intelligent people.

She ordered me to pour her some drink. Not sweet, not carbonated. Yes ma'am.

Played Indian poker. Drank a bit after losing 3 games. Was pretty happy coz of the game, and she did not lose then. She then lost one game, and had to drink. She hates the taste of champagne and took very long to drink. When the next game started, she looked like she would lose again so I hinted her by kicking her gently under the table. I think she got the hint. But she lost anyway, coz the next card she took made her lose as well. She then asked Ian to help her drink, coz Ian was ranting and raving about how nice the chanpagne was. He did and finished her cup. Later on she said to Ian she and her friends were going to watch Ironman on tuesday. She asked if he wants to go along. Sigh. I have rejected the invitations from so many friends to watch the show with her, and she did not even ask me to go as well. At the point I was pretty heartbroken. The game ended and Ian sat beside her. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, she was on a chair beside the bed, not very near. Ian wanted to take a picture with her, and pulled her chair closer to him. While taking the picture he was quite close to her. After which I was hoping she would pull the chair back to where it was but she didn't. Another cigarette for me. When I went back, she was still sitting there, then for some reason Ian leant on her shoulder and she did not seem to mind. Another cigarette break for me. Two ciggies this time. David and Eva noticed and came over to comfort me. Ian is still attached to his gf for pete's sake! And he is lying to everyone else.

Left soon after that. Took Wenjie and Bernice's car back. I pretended to sleep while they dropped Mabel off. Duno why. 

Reached home, smelling of meat and alcohol i showered. was feeling terrible coz it seemed like everything just sucked. I changed my MSN nick to "Sian 1/2" and blocked her just in case she saw my nick. Guess who msged me? Ian. "Why you sian 1/2?" Nothing much, haha, I replied. Yeah right. sian 1/2 coz of your actions lah. coz of C la. coz of her la. Why am I nice to everyone for? I'm nice to Gina, coz I think she's a very nice person, and she comes and tell me she doesn't want me to sit at my usual place in office coz I was fat. Nice to Ian when I fought to get them the signature pad at a discounted price from my fren's colleague. Nice to C coz I think he quite poor thing sometimes coz of his boss. Nice to her coz I am nice generally and especially coz i like her. But she said I was "Easy to bully." Now I know. Seriously. Nice guys die last. Everything i have done was in vain i guess. The tickets, the fixing of her laptop, Pursuit of Happyness... I downloaded it the VERY night she mentioned she haven't watched it. Gave it to her the next day. I guess I'm cheap la. Damn motherfucking 贱。

fell asleep in a jiffy at arnd 2am. Woke up at 5 cos of some lightning and it started to pour at my place. Couldn't get back to sleep, so I went for another cigarette break. Din manage to sleep till 7am.

Bad night. Bad bad night. Maybe I think I will not try and get close to her anymore. She has an army of guys who wants to do that. I shall let my love for her die down. I shouldn't have even fell for her in the first place. Very good choice for me not to even let her know.