Something just came into my mind: My university's tagline should go something like this:
IN NTU : WE EAT CHU.
This is fabricated, all resemblances to a certain university in the damn-western part of a SEA country that was once being described as a little red dot/pimple are PURELY coincidental. REALLY! NTU really means Nanotechnological.. Technological University. Or something like that. Use your imagination. Not Nanyang Technological University ok.
Excerpt from latest prospectus writen by iEverything:
"NTU is a world-class university that provides world class education for its students. By fielding lecturers who are not trained to teach, but only jam-packed with expert knowledge, we make students independent and make sure they can learn on their own, and consult the lecturers ONLY when they are not clear of a certain point which they found while researching on Google on their laptops while attending lectures in the lecture halls.
Moreover, with the diverse nationalities of lecturers, we make sure accents of all kinds make their way into the microphones during lectures. Our students have already stepped out into the world before they stepped out of school!
Our facilities are also world-class. We have laboratories that continue to be used by the students even when they are away on Industrial Attachment. They do not even know they are using the labs! (But they do pay for them.)
We groom student leaders that lead the future. They are rigourously trained to endure top-down pressure that they will experience in the working world, by not having their views heard nor taken into consideration by the higher authorities. We simulate hearing their views by holding pseudo forums and meetings, but as expected of a world class school, the final decisions are still made by the authorities. Knowing they can't do anything substantial, the students concentrate on their schoolwork. Such fine youths are clearly on the way to the only dominant political party in the country.
The Administrations is fair to all students. No matter if you take the shuttle bus or not, you pay. The Administration also treats its staff fairly. No matter if you take the shuttle bus or not, you don't pay. WE PAY YOU.
Since the University is going to be privatized, we invite investors to become shareholders of the school. We are a non-profitable organisation of course, but we do have great potential growth for dividends. Over the past 2 years, the Administration saw a 'growth' of at least 5% and at least 3%, since we increased the tuition fee without considering the students' views (as per the standard modus operandi). Other income sources include ridiculously increasing hostel fees for rich local students who are affluent enough to stay in our prestigious and small single rooms. (Double rooms fees are not increased, reasons withheld.)
We also foresee a potential increase in dividends in the form of paid parking. All car-parks including open-air ones are subjected to carpark barriers by May 2006. This affects those around schools and HALLS OF RESIDENCES. Do not worry, staff quarters are not affected at all. In fact, WE PAY YOU to park isn't it?
So come, join us at NTU, where world-class education and money-making go hand-in-hand. Because:
IN NTU: WE EAT CHU
"
Again, all resemblances to any particular university dead or alive, or any incidents, policies, are purely coincidental.
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